Friday, March 20, 2009

permit me

The oldest is off to the license bureau this morning to take the test for her learner's permit. When did I become the mother of a child who is old enough to get behind the wheel of a large vehicle and drive it on public roads?

My grandmother told me yesterday that age just sneaks up on you and before you know it your granddaughter is going to turn 44. She said it seemed just like yesterday she was taking me to McDonald's and we would eat our burgers in the inside seating in those days.

My other grandmother, who passed away in January, would have celebrated her birthday this week as well. I thought about her a lot on Wednesday; it was such a pretty spring day and the flowers here are blooming and the birds are nesting. She loved plants and birds and told me one time if she believed in reincarnation she'd want to come back as a bird. Of course, then in her mischievous way, she said she wouldn't mind flying over some folk's heads and leaving them a memento!

This birthday has me in a bit of a twist. It isn't the physical aspect aging, I don't feel 44...if 44 feels a certain way. It is more the realization that my getting older means that everyone around me is getting older too...and the implications of that fact are a bit disconcerting for some reason right now.

Over the past 15 years of child raising, I've never been one to want to keep the kids at a certain age until now. I've always looked forward to the next stage, phase, accomplishment. With the school year winding down, and so many endings and beginnings happening in the next few months, I'd like to be able to stop the clock for a bit.

Permit me a bit of self indulgent fantasy for a short while...I can go ahead and turn 44 on Saturday, but everyone else needs to stop moving forward in time. Just for a day or so....just until I can wrap my head around certain facts like I will have two in high school, one finishing grade school and a few other hard truths.


Kim Smith said...

Aw my heart hurts a little for you dear. I have been there. just know that one thing that never grows old or grows up and moves away is the love we have for one another. That good stuff only multiplies and gets bigger. We don't lose our kids, we get more. :)

Happy Birthday tomorrow. Hope you have a blast!

Anne's BLOG said...

I have always appreciated the song from "Fiddler on the Roof"...'Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little boy at play?... Sunrise, sunset, slowly go the days...' when I see my own children and grandchildren reach and exceed my greatest expectations and hopes... and get older so fast. They get older; I don't Feel any older. But when Hubby, two first cousins and a best friend all 'turn 80' the same year - some admission of truth is necessary. My aunts used to tell me to 'enjoy every day of your childrens' lives, for they grow up too soon.' At that time I didn't appreciate their advices nearly as much as I have since then. It's true. So Happy Birthday tomorrow - and enjoy every minute!

Liz said...

Thank you both so much for your wise words and birthday wishes!