Ever heard of a back to school bribe? Okay, this is how it goes. Little boy or girl makes it to the first day of school with no problem. The excitement level is running high. New sneakers, new clothes maybe, new school supplies (my personal favorite is the new box of crayolas, nothing better than new crayons) are all purchased and either worn or carried through the freshly painted doors of the school. Kids are smiling. Moms are smiling.
Then the other shoe drops, so to speak. The second day comes along. The third day comes along. And the tears come along as the excitement wears off.
My neighbor's youngest turned on the water works and kept them going for a good portion of the second day. First grade can be sort of scary, so I totally understand. The teacher gave the appropriate amount of comfort and let mom know what was happening. Mom whipped out the 'big' bribe, if you stay tear free for the week, a new Barbie is yours!
Worked like a charm although mom felt a bit guilty about bribing in order to get good behavior, even though she framed it in more of a 'goal' type plan of action. You do 'X' and you will earn 'Y.'
Mom's guilt evaporated when she was walking home and became part of a conversation about that separation anxiety, first week of school jitters with some other moms. You see, they bribed their elementary aged kids not with a new doll, but with a new LAPTOP!
Are you kidding me? When the mom next door told me this, I about fell off my sandals. Stunned yes, surprised that two neighborhood moms would do this, no.
So, what do the 'bribes' become as they get older? Where do you go from there?
We do reward our kids for good report cards with a nice, family dinner out once a quarter. I don't consider it a bribe as we'd probably go out to dinner anyway, it is more of a label. We go out and we say, "Gosh, you worked hard the past nine weeks, enjoy those ribs and fries!"
I truly can't remember being bribed as a kid in order to encourage me to turn off the tears. I do remember walking to school and crying/sobbing because I didn't want to go. I was in second grade and we had moved to a new house which meant a new school. I went from a Mary Poppins teacher to the troll who lived under the bridge teacher. Now, that was something to cry about! I had no friends and had a mean, unattractive and ancient teacher.
Maybe a new laptop would have helped.
5 comments:
A new laptop? That's unreal- but in today's world, sadly believeable. Next? A car at 16 - of course. They get those already.
My first grade teacher was kind, gentle, caring - i.e. perfect. BUT I was so shy, timid, scared witless, that year that I couldn't even raise my hand when nature called. Oh, the humiliation to walk home with wet underwear and tears streaming.
Maybe a new book satchel or hair ribbon would have helped; I don't know. No bribe stands out in my memory. I just had to go back the next day, and the next... and tough it out.
I was rather timely with this blog post today....the CA has an article in today's paper about separation anxiety and how it is so much more common today than 20 years ago. John Rosemond is the author...I enjoyed reading his comments.
We all have memories of gradeschool that are not happy ones. But, we all survive and move on!
Well, spending time with your kids no longer seems to be a priority anymore which makes me wonder about attachment - Do kids feel grounded anymore??? I am constantly in awe of what parents 'give' kids to avoid having to spend time with them. Then we wonder why the drug and crime rate are so high,,,,
Elizabeth, the interesting thing is that the article I read had a different angle to it. Moms encourage too much of an attachment, the helicopter syndrome, to the point that kids never learn to separate and to become appropriately independent. The teacher who wrote to the parenting coach said that in over 20 years of teaching, this is a more recent phenomena.
Well, that is interesting, that is me, encouraging too much attachment - could i get my kid out of a crib?!?!?!? but I am not the norm amongst other moms I meet.
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